You are enough, plain and simple.
You will go through times where this feels like a lie, where it feels like you are lacking in certain areas of your life. You might feel like you aren’t worthy or deserving enough for that house or apartment you want to be living in, for that promotion, for that really attractive guy or girl to want you, to be loved and respected by friends and family. These are the real lies.
This does not mean if you think yourself enough that you will receive everything you want and desire. Maybe that job just isn’t for you. Maybe that guy or girl has their eyes on someone else. Maybe you don’t treat your friends and family as well as you could, or maybe they just aren’t capable of loving and respecting you the way you need.
There is a difference between being enough and being a right fit.
Being enough means that you have inherent worth and value just for being. You don’t need to do anything above and beyond to be allowed the privilege of love, kindness, compassion, and respect.
Being the right fit means that you have done the work, research, and training necessary. It means you are prepared. It means what or who you’re interested in are also interested in you. These are all external factors that you have varying degrees of control over.
You might not have the right skills for a job, but that does not make you unworthy. You might not have the physical or personality traits someone is looking for, but that does not make you undeserving.
We very often allow rejection to penetrate our hearts and souls. This creates an awful negative cycle whereby we tell ourselves that we aren’t enough and then self-sabotage in some manner (going after the wrong goals, procrastinating, giving up entirely) which serves to reinforce the lack of self-worth and enoughness.
I have lived a good portion of my life this way and am only recently beginning to catch myself when I start slipping into that dark void of unworthiness. What has helped me greatly is a combination of guided meditations and affirmations.
When I am feeling down about myself I say “whoa” out loud and remind myself that, no matter the external life situation, I am enough and valuable and worthy.
I then do my best to assess the situation that is causing me distress. Is someone ignoring my texts? Did I not get the job I wanted? Whatever it might be, I figure out what the true cause of my pain is.
They don’t like me. They don’t want me. They don’t care about me.
It is difficult work and it hurts. But once you isolate to that point, you begin to realize that maybe they are just busy. Or maybe they really aren’t interested in me. You can’t be the center of everyone else’s world. Just like you aren’t interested in certain people, certain people will not be interested in you. Think of all the times you have rejected someone or something else.
You’ll also notice, as I have, that the pain points come down to your own sense of self-worth and worthiness. I don’t love myself as much as I could and I see every dismissal or rejection (real or perceived) as proof. Rejection essentially becomes a trigger.
This only gets better through focused and practiced self love and care. This includes meditation, affirmations, exercise, therapy, and more.
A question I’ve found helpful to ask myself is this:
Think about what it took to create each one of us?
We are made out of the same material as the earth, moon, and stars. Think about the odds of a living organism coming into existence today that turns out to be a human? The odds then when that human is born in a modern western society where, presumably, we have the most rights and freedoms of any human? The odds that we came into existence in this particular age? Regardless of your religious beliefs, I think we can all agree that our existence is nothing short of miraculous. That means that each and every one of us are our own kind of miracle.
You are a miracle! How can a miracle not be enough?