I did not realize how controversial and debated my last article, “The Reality Behind Girls and ‘Nice Guys’“, would be.
As such, I feel it is appropriate to write this post to try to explain what I meant as I was writing the last article.
I wrote the last article because it dawned on me that guys (the target audience of the article) need to change the way they look at rejection by girls. In particular, guys who aren’t too confident in themselves to begin with, or are shaken up by a rejection.
One of the parts of the article that rose the ire of many readers was when I said that being rejected simply meant you weren’t good enough for that girl. I stand by this as it is logical and blatantly true. The girl obviously doesn’t think you’re up to par, or meet her standards. The responses I received were along the lines of me being too harsh by saying “you aren’t good enough”. Well, the world is a harsh and cruel place. I am simply calling it as I see it. However, I was merely saying that you aren’t good enough in the eyes of that particular girl. But does that mean you aren’t a good enough person? No. Does it mean that that girl’s opinions weigh so much that her thinking that makes it true? No. You can be a great human being, but there are always people who will think you aren’t good enough.
The second part of the article that garnered a lot of attention was what I followed the previous part with. That you should look at what the girl thinks is wrong with you and see if you can work on it to make yourself a better person. Some readers thought I was saying you have to change yourself to meet that person’s expectations. Other readers thought I was being too superficial, discussing changing clothes and colognes to better your appearance. These are all misunderstandings. What I was actually saying was that if you take a step back from yourself and the situation, and truly examine what it is that the girl thought you lacked, or were not good enough at, you may be able to twist it into something positive. If a girl thinks you are too shy and are not outgoing enough at her, think about what she is saying. Try to look at yourself through somebody else’s eyes. You may find it is true that you are too shy for your own good. Especially in this society, most careers require you to be reasonably outgoing and have good interpersonal skills. Perhaps this is something you should work on. You should work on this, not to impress the girl who rejected you, but because you discovered a weakness that you can fix. There are obviously some people who can not overcome their shyness, and there is nothing wrong with that. I’m merely saying that you should see whether or not you can actually work on the issue/weakness in question. This isn’t changing yourself, especially for just some girl who doesn’t want you. This is improving yourself. You wont change as a person, merely develop new skills. In terms of attractiveness and outward appearance, don’t become a blond or get piercings (more for girls than guys) because that is what somebody else wants. But if you are a guy that has been rejected because you may not be the most attractive person in the world, there are simple ways to try to compensate. Wear nicer clothes to show you have some sense of style, wear a nice smelling cologne so you don’t smell like BO, maybe get a fresh haircut (nothing too drastic), work out more. It may be something so simple as your approach to girls that you need to work on. These things don’t change who you are. Are these methods superficial? Sure, for the most part. I don’t see how the healthy benefits of working out are superficial. These stated methods simply enhance your appearance, can give you that extra boost of confidence, and show others that you care about your appearance and health. Should any relationship be based solely off of how you look, smell, and how fit you are? Not at all. But are these ways to start some sort of attraction? Yes.
The article was meant to be a way to show guys who aren’t too confident that there is a silver lining in being rejected. It can show you what you may need to work on, not for that girl, but for life. No one is perfect, there is always room for self-improvement. You are not changing who you are for someone else by finding ways to better yourself in the long run. If you already feel comfortable with yourself, that is great. I repeat, however, this article is for those out there who need self-confidence, especially after being rejected. So, for those who fit into that category, as well as anyone else who is reading this, rejection is not the end. It is simply a road bump. Pick yourself up, see what you can learn from the situation, move on, and never stop trying to make yourself the best you.